Had a dream that I could do magic, but only randomly. I was going to a school with other people like me in which we were trying to figure out why we couldn’t do magic all the time. What circumstances made magic possible or impossible for us to do?

One guy around my age that I went to school with was getting really discouraged because he hadn’t been able to do magic for a long time. He was starting to question whether anyone could do it anymore. I sat down next to him, and looked intently at a silver dessert spoon on the table. At first nothing happened, and I began to wonder if it ever would, but then the spoon floated into the air. The spoon began to take on a shimmer as though it had been dipped in liquid dish soap, with rainbow colors gliding around the spoon slowly. Then the silver of the spoon and its defined shape became less and less clear as the dish soap became more translucent. Finally, we could only see a fat line of dish soap suspended in the air, which began to spread out until bubbles began to break off–slowly at first, but then quickly– so that the air all around us was filled with drifting bubbles.

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I wonder if this dream was representative of how I can feel so confident and self-assured at some times, but at other times feel totally out of control and like I have no choice in what I do. Or how even if I achieve the things I want to, like the magic in my dream, there is always something more just out of reach, floating away.

Lately I have been preparing myself for leaving Japan, and I feel so ready. When I go home, I know I’ll miss it and question my haste, but for now I’m having trouble focusing on the magic of what I’m doing–instead feeling tired and stressed out from the final couple weeks of work. I really need to appreciate and be grateful for each moment here, and not worry about which circumstances make that easier or more possible. I need to believe I’ll get through the stressful parts and that the drifting, joyful parts are more important (and just as plentiful!).

I’m trying to enjoy our final days in Japan, but I’m also counting down the days before we start a new chapter in our lives. Less than one month to go before we leave.